The last time I was here and tried to post something it was erased so now even at this late hour 2:18 AM I'm trying it again.
At the time I had just received a message in my YT inbox that just pissed me the hell off. I missed something and I was basically cut off for it. And to make matters worse I wrote an apology which I hella regret like a mug...ya dig? I'm not going there again when s**t pops off. I cannot do it.
I have got to get rid of Toxic Relationships and twitches with this case of the Victim Syndrome...if you have a tin cup stay the hell away from me.
There will be no pictures with this one...the guilty don't deserved to be identified in this piece. I want to cuss so badly and really let loose but I don't think Blogspot lets you do that. Because to keep this 100 I would have to get really street real with my sisters in here. We have to leave these ppl alone. Let me hip you guys to something... "the crazies" is not just a movie. This is about keeping your sanity and letting stupid shit go. This is about keeping the right ppl and letting the wrong ones go on their merry damn way. Toxic Victims are not cute. The practically skin you alive and leave your bones out to dry. Its ridiculous.
We all know what is special to one person and the next person. Sometimes you cannot always be everything to everybody. We need to get rid of these expectations on folks that are not related to us be it your husband your wife your momma your daddy your whatever...stop putting unrealistic expectations on ppl that you met online. Birthdays are going to be forgotten. Holidays are going to be missed. We need to get over ourselves expecting ppl to be something they are not. We need to stop trying to reduce every situation to how to be a real 100% better whatever when it comes to friendships. Like my girl on YT said "we don't go together." I was never mad when I watched that video...I laughed my head off on that one. I had no idea at the time that I would be going through a similar situation shortly thereafter.
Momma said "There'll be days like this." And she never lied. The days become weeks, weeks become months, and months become years of piled on anguish and drama. I live each day one at a time with as little drama as possible. I can't be everything for everybody. I'm an orphan now...but when I wasn't an orphan, I wasn't the best daughter, but damnit! I TRIED. I'm no longer a wife. I am now a widow. I will become a vital viable member of society once I finish what I start as far as going back to school so I can retire from having to go back to retail for good and so I will never have to work another plant job. Truth be told I would rather create my own business and work from home. I want every ounce of control I can get back. I am still a mom. That won't change. But I'm not the "real grade A number one 100% best friend." Obviously, as much as I've tried in the past - I'm not that one. After this past experience I cannot get that one right for some reason. Something happens and I get blamed for it. I try to move past it but it comes back and slaps me in the face telling me in that person's voice "you're not doing it right!" Really? Well buckle up honey because its the story of my damn life.
But then I realized in all the confusion when the moment clarified itself like butter that there are some high maintenance folks out there that need to be stroked and attended to more than most animals in captivity at a wildlife preserve or some the prettiest gardens on the planet. I can't do all the tending and cultivating. I have other more important things to do than stroking someone's tissue paper ego...I have a child to raise and send on her merry way out into the big bad world representing me and all my hard work. I don't have time for this other stuff. So what I forget. I forget shit all the time...we all do. I'm not the first person on the planet to miss an important date that belong one person or a whole group. Get over it and as I was once told "get over yourself" a phrase which I hate but applies here beautifully like expensive wallpaper.